Later on that same walk, I had a short conversation with a different homeless man as I passed him. It was about the beautiful weather. I didn't make eye contact though.
Of the twenty or so homeless people I passed today only one asked me for change. I didn't make eye contact with any of them.
I don't know if I'm trying to ignore the problem, or give them some semblance of privacy. I speak when spoken to, but otherwise don't acknowledge their presence. When I see stains or random unidentified wet on the sidewalk I assume it's the urine of a homeless person.
This is a big flaw of mine that I need help with, I think of the homeless more as animals then people. I think of them as a unified collective rather than individuals, and when I do talk to them I talk down to them and give myself a mental pat-on-the-back for being so forward-thinking to have exchanged three sentences about the weather with someone who lives on the street.
I don't know how to make these thoughts better within myself without the thinking itself making me a worse offender. Like how I sometimes worry that I'm racist, because I try not to be racist.
That even acknowledging that I have issues with people, makes me compensate for having issues, and that becomes an issue.
Follow? I barely can. Sorry for not making this a humor entry. I thought the "ass-less" sentence would carry a lot further than it did.
P.S. This post title could totally be the title of another blog, another blog I don't write in regularly. Maybe I'll make it the female-only version of this... Yeah, I'm creating it.
done: If LA is a Lady, I'm Not
